non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
