dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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