yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
