some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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