I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
