And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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