We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize