I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Drunk is a universal language darling
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