I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
