Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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