he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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