i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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