Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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