i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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