Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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