There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish my penis had an off switch
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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