I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
