a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
