i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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