There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
