Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
