i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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