Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
