After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
