I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The beer is more important than you right now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
