It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
