then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
