so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
