well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
