I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
