we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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