Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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