I'm gonna have a badass scar
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
