I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
