i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
