wakey wakey hands off snakey
I met the friendliest cop last night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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