why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
