APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
