Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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