Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize