omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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