Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
