My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
