No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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