Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
