ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
