he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
