people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
