i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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