you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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