I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
