Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
