he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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