Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
