So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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