I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
